OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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