yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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