i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
