So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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