Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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