Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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