I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
