Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
