we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
