I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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