I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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