i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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