my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
