I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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