What a fucking waste of an outfit
babies were throwing up all over the place
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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