trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
