i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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