My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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