I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The air taste purple.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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