i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
