My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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