god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
