I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
