I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
