My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
