Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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