I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
