I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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