there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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