ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
