Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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