I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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