Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
