he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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