I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
