i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
