throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
