everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
