I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize