I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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