I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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