my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
