Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
