a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize