i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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