you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
