"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize