Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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