ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize