I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
