I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
