I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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