Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
