I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
