I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
