If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
