if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
