I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
