Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's blow job season.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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