i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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