Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
