she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
