I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
