she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
as a side note pls kill me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
