omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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