i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
