I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize