I faked an abortion last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
