Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize