i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
