I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
