I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize